Calculated Anger!

Most of us think of anger as an overt outward display of inappropriate behavior.

You know…when the volume is high, the veins are bulging and objects are being tossed!

That is anger and it’s fairly obvious to identify, but there’s another kind of anger that isn’t so obvious. There's a kind of anger that is more subtle and causes the same level of damage to relationships.

This form of anger is called…calculated.

This form of anger is malicious and predetermined. This anger comes from the same source of fear, frustration, and pain. The only difference is in how it's displayed.

This more subtle form of anger is displayed into primary forms – by withholding and or by withdrawing.

Withholding is to refrain from giving, or allowing, or to refuse to provide.

Withdrawing is to remove oneself from participation, or to become socially or emotionally detached.

Calculated anger, is an inferior attempt to regain control over a person or situation that YOU FEEL, has created fear or guilt.

You’ve probably never thought of anger in this way. Chances are some of this behavior may be familiar to you. Chances are you probably felt like you’ve never had an anger issue. Whether you displayed the outward kind of anger or the subtle, more manipulative form...that anger is being driven by a feeling.

Until you pull back the cover on the why of the feelings…the behavior will continue.

“Change seldom occurs until the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of change.”

-Credit: Patrick McBane, Transformational Leadership
Contributions: Tyler Perry, NardraV Daniels,